Couch Coach - Warriors Seek Help to Find Heart from the Wizard of Oz

We're off to see the Wizard, the wonderful Wizard of Oz. Let's be honest, could the Wizard of Oz actually have the ability to give this Warriors outfit enough heart, courage and/or brains to help drag this side out of the depths of despair, prevent them from regularly showing no thought process that results in unforced errors and stupid penalties or perform a modern day miracle and give the side the courage to actually turn up for each other and hold an opposition team out instead of opening a path through their defense like they're fucking Moses? It's a pity those gale force winds weren't a little bit stronger and blown the team away to at least have a chat with the Wizard to see if he could actually do anything for us. Let's hope the team take the Yellow Brick Road back to Auckland.

As is standard procedure after a Warriors loss we get to see the cheer leaders bring out their favorite set of poms poms and do their Konrad dance claiming that on his own he can miraculously change the fortunes for the New Zealand based franchise. I've even seen someone ridiculing a form based selection in Allwood over the man who can do know wrong in their eyes (Hurrell) claiming that Cappy has no idea and selection shouldn't be form based. YOU FUCKING WHAT MATE? Sure, at the end of the game it's all well and good to point the finger and say "so and so played shit" but the fact remains that selection is and always should be based on form, not on what a bloke did 3 fucking seasons ago and currently can't even stand up and show he is a class above the rest in reserve grade.

We'll be in for yet another week of reading and hearing about how rubbish Cappy is and how he should be sacked and that we need to bring in a new coach. Does nobody else see the pattern that is forming within this organisation? We lose a few games, the players drop their bundle, the pressure valve shows no sign of being released and when results don't come it turns into a player power stand with the "we've lost faith in the coach" and allow him to fall on, not his own sword, but the one placed their by the players who have not only let the coach down, they've let themselves, fans, sponsors and staff within the entire organisation. For the players to say they've lost faith in a coach is a bit fucking rich in itself as they expect the fans to keep the faith with them. What coach do we bring in if Cappy is another victim of an under achieving Warriors outfit? We cannot afford to bring in another rookie we MUST hire someone who has a proven track record as a head coach in their NRL IF we decide to fold to the players, yet again, and look to another coach to wave his magic fucking wand. Harry Potter is about the only one who would have the magic to dig this team out of the hole they've dug themselves, unfortunately he is a fictional character.

There might not have been too many positives to take out of the game but one in particular was the involvement of Sam Lisone. He went into beast mode tonight and needs to use those efforts as a level of expectations he should have on himself for the remainder of the season.

As is the case with most weeks, it's the unforced errors that kill this side and the teams inability to defend their line on the back of a turnover or a penalty conceded. Mark Gasnier hit the nail on the head in the pre-game show saying "The Warriors beat themselves more often than not with silly mistakes".

The thing's you cannot coach into players is desperation. You cannot coach Urgency. You cannot coach attitude. These are the KEY components within this Warriors outfit that are lacking and this responsibility falls squarely on the players shoulders. Until they get themselves sorted with the way they approach a game then there isn't a coach known to man that would be able to turn this club into the successful club we all crave.

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Round 10 Couch Coach

Both teams entered into this contest with the chance to consolidate their position in the top 8. Unfortunately for Warriors fans it is Penrith who now move up to 7th position while Cappy and his troops can potentially slip down to as low as 14th. When you're presented with your team facing such a daunting proposition, given the roster that they have at their disposal, it makes me, as a supporter, wonder when these "cheer leading" fans will put down the pom poms and quit pretending like mediocrity is an acceptable form of "professionalism" from the 17 blokes who run out on the field every weekend.

As is a common theme within the NZ franchise supporter base, regardless of results, it's likely social media will be flooded with hair brain calls like "ermagherd we need to pick Konrad cos Blake is so shit and stuff and LOL couldn't even play first grade for Cronulla" followed by, if not proceeded by, "Sack Cappy. He Sucks", without giving any real indication or backing to their statements leading to an array of verbal abuse because they have the fucking intelligence of a genital wart.

Considering the opportunity to climb into the top 8 for the first time in 2016, welcoming back both suspended and injured players, a sell out crowd with the assumption some of these first grade regulars position in the top side would be on thin ice after an under strength  team came away with the spoils in their last start, they decided to dish up a flat performance which was compounded by unforced error after unforced error. Not to be outdone, a half back who seems to be more interested in making sure his hair is right before the game, judging by his sneaky look into the mirror and quick fix of his locks before the lads left the dressing sheds instead of being focused on the game at hand. Maybe he might have been aware that it was blowing an absolute gale tonight and been able to correct his kicking game accordingly. What i would like to know is why was there plenty of mention about Soward being out the day before practicing his kicks in the breeze while our playmaker was, most likely, at the local hair dressed tending to his do. It wasn't obvious at all which of the play makers entered the game with the best preparation.

 One of the biggest concerning parts of the New Zealand Warriors play, not only tonight but what seems to be most games, if not all, is the sheer volume of unforced errors that are committed by the team and then their complete lack of ability to defend the ensuing set of six. Every try that was scored by Penrith tonight was on the back of an unforced error;

First try came about by SJ trying to offload a ball with 3 or 4 Penrith players surrounding him in his own in goal. With the restart of play the ball goes agonizingly close to being blown out on the full due to the breeze. You'd think that would be a lesson learnt, right? Wrong!

A penalty kick was the next scoring play, coming off the back of Palavi giving away a penalty on the Penrith 40m line, giving them an easy path to get out of their own end while facing a stiff breeze. 3rd tackle into the 2nd set of 6, Gavet gives away a penalty right in front of the sticks for an easy 2.

As mentioned before, nothing was learnt from the earlier kick off and the ball flies out on the full from the restart. The set following that penalty, Penrith stroll over for yeh another soft try against the Warriors.

Try number 3 comes from Gavet trying to push the pass with 3 defenders around him. This leads to a STUPID penalty being given away from Luke for a push on the man playing the ball and Penrith are in again through flimsy defence.

With the game still tight another silly offload, this time from Matulino, under heavy traffic is thrown and possession turned over. The next set Matulino gives away a penalty and if that wasn't bad enough, after a handling error then a penalty, ANOTHER penalty is given away, this time by Kata, allowing Penrith to stroll down the paddock and touch down comfortably in the corner.

The final try of the game came from a no look pass from Kata at the death. This one could almost be forgiven as we were in desperate need of points, but a couple of metres out with a couple of tackles up our sleeves the smart option was to take the tackle, get a quick play the ball and then shift it wide.

Couch Coach - Test Match Edition

New Zealand vs Australia

It's never a good feeling to lose. It's an even worse feeling to lose to Australia. It's sad to say that we can go even one better than that. We lost to the Aussies without scoring a point. Where was that G.I mentality at the end of the game where we could have been taking a shot at field goal?

Due to some sort of secret squirrel business involving the formula that is used in the International Rugby League Rankings and the lack of material to be found online, we now have to sit through the rest of the month until we find out if we even retain #1 spot in the world. Judging by the little information I could find, it seems part of the criteria is based on the last 3 years results. With NZ currently sitting on 897 points and Australia 719 there may be hope that we hold onto those bragging rights. Let's face it, when it comes to the Aussies bragging rights are as good as a win.

Let's dust off the old chalk board, doodle up a couple of quick illustrations of some cock and balls then have a look at some key points to be taken away from last nights game.

1. No specialist hooker

We'll start with the obvious. I think we can all agree that leaving Luke out of the game put us on that back foot before a ball had even been kicked.

Although he has started the season off with the Warriors with some unflattering form there has been the positive that he has looked better with each game he plays.

Not only does he add speed around the ruck, quality ball service from dummy half, adds a dimension of play with his darting runs that gain valuable metres and gets through his fair share of defensive work, he is a leader within the squad. He is a senior member who provides confidence around the squad and has the ability to take pressure of those around him. He leads our Haka like a man possessed and brings with him experience and a calm head when the going gets tough.

What message does leaving Luke out of the squad send to the rest of the team? Does it give them an edge and determination to keep their spot or does it create doubt in the mind adding unnecessary pressure in a game that has enough of its own already?

2. SJ Flying Solo

I've seen plenty of criticism fired SJ's way in the aftermath of the match. While I am one to quickly have something to say about a players performance I feel he is a little hard done by in this instance.

Australia would have gone into battle with one very clear message coming from the sheds; "SHUT DOWN JOHNSON". What's the man to do when the opposition are putting even more attention on him that usual while knowing full well that there isn't a Plan B for the kiwis if SJ gets taken out of the game.

Meninga enters every game he coaches with the mindset of winning that particular game. He has been very successful using that method and is something we needs to have endorsed within this squad. When we're down on troops you have to pick the best options for positions, that means picking Benji at 5/8.

Imagine the extra possibilities with ball in hand just by adding those two very experienced blokes in Marshall and Luke. I applaud Kearney for his record over the last few years but if he was a junkie and dropped the ball like that he'd be giving wristy's in the truck stop in an attempt to have a second chance at holding the ball next time around.

3. Jordan Kahu

I must admit that I raised an eyebrow when I saw his selection at fullback. I thought Josh Hoffman would have got the nod before him to fill in the void.

It is clear I need to pay more attention to Broncos games as I haven't seen a great deal of the guy and his effort for the Kiwis was simply outstanding.

Kahu made a number of try savers both by his determination in defence, his ability to pop up at the right time and a never give up attitude.

Most notably was his try saver on Semi that just stopped the big guy in his tracks 5m out from the line, then with the very next play getting across to the other side of the field to stop/almost stop another try scoring effort. Right on halftime he managed to put enough pressure on an Australian kick to force the ball dead in what otherwise could have been another try and a very ugly halftime score.

4. Defence

Not much to say here. Pure desperation, fight and pride in the jersey were key to stopping the flood gates from potentially opening up. With the sheer weight of possession against them it was refreshing to see this mob not drop their heads and start kicking stones because it was getting too hard. Now, wouldn't it be nice to see that sort of attitude in defence from the NZ Warriors?!?